Insidious

My mother’s method of trying to control me is best described as insidious. She is the master of the statement in the form of a question and the backhanded compliment. For example, she would never openly say, “You’re fat.” Instead, she asks, “Do you really need to be eating that?” or “You should wear more black. It’s a really slimming color.” I’m a size 8! She also constantly compares me to my sister, and makes sure that I always know what she gives my sister for birthdays and holidays. The thing is that she always gets my sister something bigger, better, or more than what she got for me, and makes sure we both know it. For example, when my grandmother died 2 years ago, my mom got an inheritance. She made a point of sitting my sister and I down and telling us that Grammy always wanted us to be provided for and even though we weren’t in the will, my mother wanted to “fulfill what she knew Grammy’s intent was” and give us part of the inheritance. Then she wrote a check for my sister for $3,000, and a check for me for $300. For my sister’s wedding, my mother insisted on finding a designer gown and that my mom would pay for it. For my wedding, my mother said I was “too chunky” to look good in white and that she wouldn’t pay for anything unless I got a personal trainer.