My mother is hyper critical of everything I do as she believes it reflects on her. Recently, she and my grand-mother engaged in a twenty-minute conversation about everything that is wrong with me–I talk too much, I’m shy, I’m reclusive, I can’t accept compliments, I’m overweight, I’m not outgoing enough, etc. ad nauseum. When we talk, she will cut me off mid-sentence and go talk to someone else or start on a different topic. When I express an opinion, she scoffs and says I don’t know what I’m talking about. When I do housework or other chores, I do so incorrectly because they are not done HER way (I had no idea that green beans MUST be cut diagonally). My biggest fault is that I need to sleep and eat regularly. I once had a night job that had me come home at 4AM. She would call regularly around 6:30 or 7AM to make sure I was up since that’s when ‚Äònormal’ people are up. If I snack a few hours after a meal, I am a pig. It happens frequently when dining with her at someone else’s home that she will tell me that I’ve had enough food if I accept a second helping (I’m 29, I should know when I’m full!). My favourite thing that she does is to press my buttons by making derogatory (and usually racist) comments about various groups. If I’ve finally had enough and call her on this (after ignoring her for who knows how long) she’ll look smugly at whomever is in the room with her and comment on how hypersensitive I am.
My mother is hyper critical
Posted by Cristy on November 6th, 2008
Posted in 
Tags: 
I am sorry that you are subjected to your mother’s insecurities and criticisms. You say that you are 29, you have every right to choose how you accept, now, to be treated. If and when she is hurtful and derogatory, work on sticking up for yourself by saying, I don’t deserve to be treated this way and move on, to a different room, another place altogether. We have no control over other’s actions but we do our own. It is up to you to determine if she is someone you want to have a relationship with, and what kind of relationship it will be. Without being critical yourself just do what is best for you, no one deserves to be so harshly judged. By posting this concern, you believe it to be true you are worth more. Best of Luck, you deserve it.
We could be sisters. You are not alone. My best advise is walk away – at least for a while.
It took most of my adult life to realize that I had to disconnect from my mother – completely. I didn’t have any contact with her for over a year. I took a lot of crap from my family for doing it(she’s the injured victim, of course). She rarely mistreats me these days, at least to my face. I can’t tell you how much happier I am. I have more friends, more creativity and so much less fear. I even started a new career. I should have escaped a long time ago.
I have the same kind of mother. I’m 53, and I’ve never learned how to deal with it.
The only things that has ever worked with her is long periods of estrangement, which I usually break.
I know that the estrangements hurt her more than they do me. An old flame of mine called her once, looking for me. He said she told him that I was not speaking to her over some really stupid stuff. Stupid stuff that she caused!
That’s how I know it hurts her pretty bad. A therapist once pointed out to me that she is emotionally incapable of breaking the silence and making amends, and I that I’m a better person.
Just tonight I told her how I called an aunt and uncle on the phone and said something innocently to my uncle that she didn’t want me to repeat. He’ll probably forget it soon enuf anyway, cuz he’s old and doddering.
But I know for a fact that she just doesn’t want me to have any relationships with m maternal family without her monitoring them.
She’s not all bad though.
So, I’ve lived longer than you have and mulled it over mroe. Maybe this helps.
I’m right there with you all! I love my mother dearly but I live down the street from her and so the critisisms are just to frequent. I’m considerig relocating to another state. I figure in the short run it might be crappy for everyone but in the long run perhas everyone would be happier. I’ve lived down the street from her for over 3 years now and she comes over frequently to see the kids but she has never come over to just hang out and have coffee or something. The other day she mentioned that she can’t come over and have coffee with me. And I was like, Why is that mom? and she said it’s because I get mad all the time. And I ask her WHy am I getting mad? …it’s because she criticizes all the time when she comes i.e. blinds are dusty..don’t soak my meat…blah blah blah.. i actually don’t mind when she mentions something of the sorty but when i just let it go and say.. oh well..it doesn’t bother me or i’ll get to it then she starts getting upset and will keep bringing it up.. and she just can’t let it go and so of course eventially i blow up. ARHHHHHH.. i hate it! b/c i want my kids to have a close relationship with their grandparents but i’m tired of this situation. So i have been thinking about moving.. and my husband is ok with getting a new job or getting a transfer.. but i guess i have to pray about it to make sure i’m doing the right thing.. b/c i don’t want it to look like I’m just trying to run away.. (which i guess i am in a sense.) what do you guys think?